A wedding vow is taken and magically "two become one" and a lifetime partnership begins.  It is this concept that has contributed to the success of our amazing 20 year marriage! We are a team and our vocabulary evolved from "you and me" to "us".  It's an incredible transformation to genuinely feel that what happens to one person actually happens to the other.  It is this attitude that we chose to adopt and to live by daily.  We are indeed "one" and we will win as a team or lose as a team.  And of course who wants to lose?!  Therefore, each partner is invested in the success of the other.  It's no longer "him verses her", "me verses you", or "I win verses you win".  Instead, it is an atmosphere of, “what do we need to do to partner together to win as a team?” Each partner brings to the marriage strengths which should be used for the benefit of the team.  It isn't a 50-50 thing but should be whatever the day -or moment- requires to bring about the success of the marriage (the team partnership).

  
In our first year of marriage, it seemed that I was the one who initiated meaningful communications.  Indeed, I have always been a talker and "words" come easily; yet I started to resent always being the one to initiate deep communication and exchange of the heart.  Thank God, my perspective on the matter changed.  I realized that communicating came naturally to me and was a strength that I brought to our marriage.  So, why not use my communication strength for the benefit of our marriage?  After all, my husband brought many other strengths to our marriage and, when combined, it made us stronger as one.  When couples realize their spouse is not an enemy or the competition but actually a team mate, on the same side, they will be empowered to become the help mate they were created to be.  It cultivates a win-win attitude. 
 

--Lil Bourgeios

Occupational Therapist

Married for 20 years, 2 children

Article courtesy of Women of Influence.

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